Critical Conversations

That are hard, but healthy

You want to say something to her.

You're embarrassed though. Because it might be all in your head.

Real or imagined, your stomach turns every time she plows over you in conversation. She does it all the time. And this time, you've had it, you've got to say something. This can't continue, for the sake of your health.

Speaking up in the past didn't go well. You tried. She stomped over you. Again. Left you feeling stupid, for trying.

Do others notice? They don't say anything. She tramples on them too. You see it.

You rationalize it, 'It's no big deal. It's her personality. I shouldn't take this to heart. It's my fault that I'm so sensitive'.

Equally, you're outraged, ready to burst, shouting, 'Lady, back off. You're bullying me and I'm not going to take it anymore. Stop this'.

With your tendency to second-guess yourself, it could take months to settle this. One minute you’re convinced to take a stand, the next you think it's best to bury it.

Save yourself the ongoing agony. In just a few minutes you can process this inner conflict and come up with a clear line of action:

1) Write down what you want to say to her, without a filter. Get it all out

2) Write down the specific feeling you had at the moment it happened, e.g., angry, disrespected, unheard, dumb, devalued

3) How would you like to feel instead? Describe it in one feeling, e.g., appreciated, valued, respected, smart etc.

Now, prepare to ask for what you want, without making reference to what you don't want.

Instead of saying, "I feel disrespected by you, and this makes me feel angry", say, "I feel respected when I'm able to share my ideas and then hear feedback from you. Would you be willing to hear me out, and give me feedback afterward?"

People want to help you get what you want.

But they don't know what you want, until you tell them. Without your request, they operate out of their default patterning. Not to hurt you. But because it's what they know, and you haven't asked them for anything different.

Change this by asking for what you want. Clearly and kindly.

What tops the list of importance in communication for you, and how do you ask for it?

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Don't waste time agonizing over unspoken hurt feelings. Get clear on what you want, and how to ask for it, in November's Overthinkers club meeting. You'll get to resolution quick. No more overthinking it.

Everyone in your life is calling forth something deep inside of you.

Message me for meeting details.