Are You Caught Up in This Trend?
It keeps you in the dark
I feel sad for humans.
A trend's been emerging for years. It's at its head.
It's recognizable when you hear it:
"My relationship isn't working because this person is a &^&!$*%"
I get it, it's no fun to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to grow and reflect and deep dive together.
Or a person who behaves selfishly, cold, or critical toward you.
It's a struggle.
But, in addition to the detrimental aspects of blame, labeling, and name-calling, here's what's absent from the above statement:
“I don't know what their behavior is mirroring in me. But, I'm willing to take a look.”
I'm not saying you shouldn't deal appropriately with a relationship that's destructive. Or that you're locked-in forever with a person who doesn't care about you. I'm saying best to not walk away from a relationship while pinning blame on them in lieu of looking deep within yourself to see what their easy-to-blame behaviors show you about you.
It could be a lack of healthy boundaries. An inability to express your needs. Impaired judgement coming from the desire to attain the unattainable. A blindspot.
No matter what another person does or doesn't do; or how you feel about what they do; or what you think about what they do; or the action you take because of what they do, it all tells you about you. More than it tells you about them.
The most selfish and limited person in the world could be standing in front of you. No matter how selfish they are, blaming them for it fails to truly help you.
Seeing them as the very thing that's drawing the next best version of you out, is what helps you most.
And the way to receive this help is to refrain from hopping on the trending-train of blame. Refrain from labels. Refrain from name-calling. And refrain from walking away without a deep inner look.
Whether it's a mother, a brother, a neighbor, a friend, a partner - you miss out when you blame them, name-call them, and sever ties without introspection.
The same, or similar experiences will continue to show up in your life until you compassionately and lovingly look within, without blame.
Every relationship can be nurtured. Even if your communication practices change, boundaries shift, or absence becomes present.
There are limitless opportunities for how a relationship, close or distant, can be functional, in order to help both parties come to terms with deep things.
Look for these ways.
And dissolve the common and currently-glorified bandwagon to blame, label, and name-call.
It hurts you.
And them.
--
And if you've been blamed, name-called, labeled, and thrown away, I'm sorry for the alienating pain you may feel. Don't retaliate. Break the cycle. Look within.